Homemade Almond Milk

Do you ever have those things, where you keep thinking “I’m totally going to do that someday,” and then 5 years later you’re like “Why haven’t I done that thing?!”

Also, have you noticed that when you FINALLY end up doing that thing, it takes like 5 minutes and WAY less work than you thought, and you’re like “WHY THE HECK DID I WAIT 5 YEARS TO DO THIS THING?!”

For me, that thing is making homemade almond milk.

Not to give you way too much insight into my digestive system, but when I drink cow’s milk (or “milk,” as lactose-tolerant people call it), ugly things happen.

brace-yourself-farts

So, I do what any sane person would do, and buy almond milk instead.

But here’s the thing:

Most almond milks have weird additives.

Like, here’s the ingredients label for my current almond milk (HyVee brand, unsweetened vanilla):

Almond milk (filtered water, almonds),

(interjection: why didn’t they just stop there?! They were doing so well!!)

But on the list goes:

Tricalcium phosphate, natural flavors, sea salt, gellan gum, dipotassium phosphate, xanathan gum, sunflower lecithin, vitamin A palmitate, vitamin d2, dl-alpha-tocopherol acetate (vitamin e).

Now, before you start yell-typing at me, I am fully aware that most of these things are vitamins.

But A) I get all the vitamins I need from my daily superfood smoothie, and B) What is “natural flavors?” What is “gellan gum?” What is “xanthan gum?”

Sure, maybe these things won’t kill me or give me cancer, but I’d rather play it safe. My prerogative, you know?

SO.

I went to HyVee (my grocery store of choice), and bought almonds from the bulk section (near the natural foods section), for $9.00/pound.

One pound of almonds was about 3 cups, and this recipe called for 1 cup. The total recipe ended up making 4 cups of almond milk.

13838444_10154352254750996_1011980580_o
Almond milk, feat. Brother Arm.

Math (notice how I sprinkle pictures in the mix, so you don’t get bored):

Normal almond milk usually costs like, $3/half gallon.

Half a gallon = 8 cups.

In order to make 8 cups of almond milk, I would need to double this recipe, which would utilize 2 cups of almonds.

2 cups of almonds = (roughly) .66 pounds.

Based on HyVee’s almonds, this would be roughly $6.

13833206_10154352257575996_1009837135_o

SO, depending on where you get your almonds, it’s not necessarily more cost-effective to make your own almond milk.

HOWEVER, some very smart ladies informed me that Sprouts often has their bulk almonds on sale for $4.99/pound (WHAT?!).

13838174_10154352255685996_1926631214_o
Moist pulp – mmm *vomit*

So, to make 1/2 gallon of almond milk from Sprouts almonds would cost about $3.33.

That’s just an extra $.33, for peace of mind and zero preservatives, thickeners, “natural flavors,” etc.

13844123_10154352254685996_344254625_o
Mmm, and look at that leftover pulp… ❤

Worth it, in my book!

If you know of any cheaper places to buy almonds, please let me know in the comments! I would be forever indebted to you!

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Here’s what’s leftover. This was like modeling clay – could be a fun tactile thing for babies to play with, and if they eat a little, who cares?

Okay. Without any further ado, here’s the recipe:

Homemade Almond Milk of the Gods:

  • grab your cup (or two, if you’re making 1/2 gallon of almond milk) of almonds, and throw them in a bowl. BOOM.
  • Cover with filtered water, and allow to soak overnight.
  • Look at those plump, juicy nuts! (I had to).
  • Drain & rinse the almonds.
  • Throw them in your Vitamix or other blender, along with 3.5 cups of water for each cup of almonds you originally used.
  • Optional add-ins: vanilla, cinnamon, sea salt, the blood of your enemies.
  • Blend. BLEND THAT MO-FO! ON HIGH! Cackle like a villain, because nobody can hear you.
  • If you want the almond pulp removed from your almond milk (most people do), pour the almond milk through a fine mesh sieve into a bowl/cup/whatever.
  • Take the rest of the moist pulp (*shudder*), and toss it into a cheesecloth, nut milk bag, OR $1 dishtowel from Wal-Mart, if you’re smart like me and hate spending money.
  • Squeeze! Squeeze that mo-fo! (Into the bowl of almond milk). *note: this is the most satisfying part of making almond milk, and is probably the reason I’ll be an old maiden making various nut milks to sell at the farmer’s market. Anger = obliterated.
  • Have a sip. Or ten. Or drink all of it, because you’re a boss and you deserve it.

Who’s got some other add-in ideas to share with me??

If you follow this recipe, be sure to comment below and let me know how it turned out!

HAPPY SATURDAY! ❤

kelsieesther

 

3 thoughts on “Homemade Almond Milk

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